Curled under blankets
Laying on a mattress
Which rests directly on the floor.
Huddled up together
Listening to the sounds
Of chaos coming from below.
Block out all the bad thoughts
Cash, a constant issue
Bills pile up, they never stop.
But we’ve got each other
As we ride out this storm
And wait for the next bomb to drop.
This is the Wolverine Pez dispenser Jessica surprised me with. Shortly after, and quite by accident, we ended up sitting at the Pez table in The Pick Me Up.
Half formed thoughts awaiting my interview with Greenpeace.
Even though it seemed at times that this day would never come, I’m unbelievably excited about embarking on my next great adventure.
On Sunday I’m packing as much as I can in two bags and hopping on a 19 hour bus ride to Chicago. It’s a little strange, leaving this house I’ve barely been away from in a year and a half, but I cannot even begin to describe my elation.
I’ve been trying to keep a low profile until I make the move, though once that day comes you’ll see a return to form when it comes to the number of posts found here.
Starting Sunday I’ll be live blogging all the nonsense I see on the trip, which should also do wonders to cute the soul crushing boredom which is likely to ensue. There will also be an abundance of posts chronicling the results of a five month long LDR, so be warned if you’re opposed to fluffy sentiments and somewhat more risqué writings. For the first time in far too long I’m going to be in an actual city and it’s gonna be a blast documenting the adventures and shenanigans I manage to get myself into. Also, after an almost 3 year hiatus I’ll be throwing myself into the open mic scene completely and there should be tons of new video performances up soon.
One thing I’ve loved about this blog, though it’s often been maligned by others, is the way it kind of evolves based on where my life is at that point in time. I cannot wait to see what this next chapter brings.
And, of course, to share it with all of you.
Before I get started: I should note that I’m well aware how trying to use reason with crazy is an exercise in futility, but I’d like to give it a shot anyway.
Despite you creating a fake account, complete with three separate photos which looked nothing like each other, I know exactly who you are and I would like to address some of the things you said in your exceedingly erratic and desperate messages.
"You lead me on"
I’m going to hold back on ridiculing your tenuous grasp on the English language, though that will come in a bit, and walk you through the nature of our “relationship”. You were a sad, lonely girl and I was nice to you. Any misunderstandings about this kindness being anything more is completely on you. Ask any artist which submitted to FRH; I’m nice to everyone. It doesn’t make you special. In fact, every time you ever alluded to having feelings for me, I politely turned you down. I have never once given any indication that I felt otherwise. Even when you started telling me you loved me and sent the worst pieces of writing I’ve ever read, including Stephanie Meyer, I held steadfast in my claim that I would never feel anything other than friendship for you. In fact, I can remember three different talks in the span of a month reasserting my stance. So, how you came up with conclusion which told you otherwise is due to your fucked up perception of reality and not my leading you on. In fact, I wish I had your imagination. I’d be a much better writer.
"If she wasn’t in the picture we could be together."
Well, no we couldn’t. See above. I was single for six months we knew each other and I still had no desire to be with you. And, frankly, if you knew half of the shit her and I got into behind closed doors I highly doubt you’d still be trying to fill out an application to take her place. So, let me reiterate; there is no chance in this world or any other you create inside your head where we end up together. Get some fucking help. With your head I mean, not anything too drastic.
That said, let’s play devil’s advocate. Let’s say that I had fallen for this imaginary person you concocted, what would have been your endgame? What were you going to do if I showed up to meet you? The person you posted pictures of was exponentially more attractive than you and at least 4 feet taller. What were you going to do then? Way to think that one through, pal.
I’ve also found your blog, you’d deleted your old one after I told you to fuck off, and it seems that you have a boyfriend. Now, there is a ton of evidence which leaves me to believe he is another fabrication but, if he isn’t, how do you think he’d feel knowing the shit you get up to behind his back? I’d tell him myself, but I’m almost positive those messages would go directly to your inbox. Because he’s fictional, you see.
Now, as I sad before: I know who you are. I know your name, phone number and address. Do not fuck with me. You’re not going to like how it plays out. Focus on your, probably fake, boyfriend and if you’re feeling lonely just reach deep in that deranged psyche of yours and create some new friends. Maybe one of them will even like you!
Eat a dick,
It’s been about a month since I stepped back from tumblr and I found myself missing this outlet which has become so vital to my artistic expression. However, there was too much heat from an overzealous fan and I also found myself scared to that which has always come most natural to me. Lately, I’ve been toying with the idea of starting a new blog from scratch, though the notion of completely abandoning this blog which I’ve put so much of myself into absolutely broke my heart.
I have decided not to be afraid anymore. I’ll be writing more in depth on this, and other developments, soon, but I just wanted you guys to know I’m back and will not allow myself to be chased off again. For those of you who’ve stayed with me in my absence; thank you. There will be more to come in the near future and I cannot begin to articulate my excitement.
But goddamnit I am gonna try.
Before I begin, I’d like to thank those of you who sent in well wishes and advice. They are all greatly appreciated and I’m taking the necessary steps as we speak.
Words are a powerful thing. I guess it’s easy for others to believe that when you give so much of yourself openly, that they somehow feel like they own those pieces. Since the summer of last year I’d had some followers which aggressively tried to stake their claim. Then, when it was announced that I was no longer single, things took a nasty turn.
It’s for these reasons that I am walking away from tumblr.
I will not deactivate the blog, because I’m truly proud of the things I’ve done here and think that my words can still do some good. You can feel free to peruse it at your leisure and rebloggs are still always welcome. I will, however, no longer be posting here and all asks have been disabled. This is for the safety of those I love, as well as my own.
I’m going to miss all of you and am eternally grateful for the connections I’ve made with you. Getting to read, and sometimes share, your work has been an honor. I just can’t deal with this anymore, the stress is quite literally killing me.
For those of you who took the time to check out my work and send me countless positive comments; thank you so much. You were often the only light during the darkest of days. I wish all of you nothing but the best and am proud to have known you.
So long for now,
Feel. Release. Heal.
This isn’t a joke. Please, help us. I’m really fucking worried.